Sunday, October 9, 2011

A Sateriale Story

The motorcycle rips through the air with a metal roar, kicking up the Alaskan powder snow as it lands and tears through the poorly plowed path towards the lone cabin. Stopping shortly before the front door, the leather-clad motorcycle rider hops off the ride and charges at the door, kicking it open. The armed man behind the door never stood a chance as the motorcycle rider backhands the knife out of the man’s hand and sends him clear across the room with a solid sideways kick. The motorcycle rider whips the helmet off, and the hair flows down from the head to reveal Trinity.


What’s wrong, Trinity?

“Er… I’m Maura?”

Excuse me?

“I’m not Trinity. I’m Maura. Maura Sateriale. I’m pretty sure that’s what you meant.”

It’s an easy mistake to make.

“I also sold my motorcycle a while ago. I’m pretty sure I don’t fight like this either. I--”

Fine. I’ll write you in a different genre then.

“Oh ok.”

The man stands up, apparently little worse for wear from the fight, and—

“Is he hot?”


“I mean… I don’t know.”

Give me a moment, and you’ll see what the man looks like.

“Oh ok.”

The man stands up, apparently little worse for wear from the fight, and it’s clear that he is an attractive, well-built man approximately thirty years of age, wearing a white polo and khaki slacks. He stares, scrutinizing Maura.

“Maura?” the man asks.

“John?” Maura replies.

“Oh Maura! I thought for sure it would be your evil twin sister, Marlene, returning from her trip from Brazil! She’s still out for revenge after you testimony against her in court seven years ago left her behind bars. Doctor Malpractopolis bailed her out just six months ago, though, while you were still suffering from your bout of amnesia, and your sister and the doctor have been plotting against you ever since. Now that you’re here, though, I have a confession to make. I know you’ve never been able to love anyone since you lost your child in that miscarriage, but I love you, Maura! Can you see it in your heart to love once again?”

“Oh. Uh, John—“

John approaches Maura, nearly cradling her in his arms.





“Oh Maura!”

“I’m in a soap opera.”


“Can’t we do something else? Soap operas are awful. At least there was good action in the last one.”

You want action, huh?

“Let’s make another baby,” John says. The porno beat begins to kick in.

“No,” says Maura.

You said you wanted more action.

“Not like this, and you know it. My sexy time is my own time.”

Well, what do you want then?

“I dunno. I’m kind of uncomfortable with this whole fourth wall thing going on.”

You started it.

“You tried to write me off as another character.”

I don’t know much about you, honestly. What do you want me to write about you? What kind of things do you do?

“Um… I’m a pretty boring person, really. I just, you know, do some traveling, and going to school and stuff. I dunno, maybe you just shouldn’t write a story about me.”

I’ll just wrap this story up with you saving a bunch of orphans in a bus by sacrificing yourself to Cthulhu then.

“Oh ok.”

Just then, Maura sees the M-signal light up in the sky. She flies away, bursting through the roof, and zipping at super-sonic speeds as a runaway bus full of orphans hurdle towards a cliff and into the gaping maw of Cthulhu. Maura arrives just in time to divert the bus away from the cliff, but to do so, she had to place herself in harm’s way, leading to Cthulhu eating her whole on the spot.


No comments:

Post a Comment